Why Do Men Not Get Access to Shelters Like Women or Counselling Services/phonelines?

Question by Roger: Why do men not get access to shelters like women or counselling services/phonelines?
There are number news reports on youtube of men having to ring women’s shelters to ask for help (as if they’re gonna get treated equally by a women’s shelter) isn’t this gender inequality?

According to a men’s rights lawsuit there are programs which (by law) exclude males victims from access to services.

So why are men not treated equally and should men have the right to protect themselves and their children from bad women, especially seeing as men cannot use physical force to defend ourselves because that will most likely result in him being imprisoned for “violence against women”.


Best answer:

Answer by Taziketoro
Domestic violence against men is not fully understood and accepted yet and unfortunately male victims of DV do not get the help and support they need. There is a lot of stigma attached to being a male victim of DV especially if the perpetrator is a woman. Attitudes are starting to change but unfortunately I think it will take a long time before male and female victims of DV are treated equally.

What do you think? Answer below!



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3 Responses to Why Do Men Not Get Access to Shelters Like Women or Counselling Services/phonelines?

  • groovy shoes says:

    Telephone scatologia or making obscene phone calls for sexual purposes may be a reason that men aren’t welcome on some hotlines.

  • M-Just M says:

    Many reasons. No one group is responsible for this double standard.

    There is the feminist focus on domestic violence as violence against women, and the actions of a few militants who actively worked to suppress information on female-on-male domestic violence.

    There are also the widespread societal notions that a man should be in control of a woman and that since men are stronger on average this makes women ineffectual. These untrue societal notions both lead to people believing that a woman couldn’t really hurt a man.

    Then there are early biased studies which claimed that domestic violence was much more likely to happen to women than to men. These studies were done by simply polling people with the question “does your spouse abuse you?” The problem with the was that the men who responded were less quick to recognize and more reluctant to report abuse for what it was. When specific behaviors were mentioned (slapping, kicking, pushing, throwing shoes), then the numbers turned out even between the sexes.

    I hate this double standard, though, and I’m glad the Men’s Rights group was able to do something about it. And that it got covered by the news.

  • Deirdre O says:

    The do.
    California, Lancaster – Valley Oasis Family Violence Shelter
    This is one of the extremely few shelters in the entire US which offer help to victims without discriminating based on gender. Their 24-hour crisis line number: (805)945-6736.
    California, Sacramento
    Claudia Dias, director of “Changing Courses” in North Highlands, a suburb of Sacramento California, has anger management groups for both men and women, and works with women who are abusive to their partners. Their phone number is (916) 332-5056.
    California, San Diego County
    The Domestic Violence Hotline 1-888-305-SAFE (7233) is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and provides referrals to a variety of services such as: Domestic Violence shelter bed availability, Counseling services, Support Group services, Emergency Food and Clothing, Legal services, Anti-Stalking information, and other available community resources. I called and talked with an employee there, and they provide services for everyone — men, w
    The Florida Men’s Resource Center has a list of resources for men in Florida. Women and children are “welcome also”, according to the web page. The Florida Men’s Resource is a SAFE Affiliate.

    Here are some resources if you’re in Florida. These resources said that they help battered men:
    SHELTERS (407 area code)
    Coalition for the Homeless: 426-1250
    Crossroads Mission: 843-5269
    Central Care Mission: 299-6146
    Anthony House: 383-5577
    Salvation Army 423-8581
    Fresh Start Project 422-9781
    COUNSELING (407 area code)

    Cornerstone Institute: Bruce Stoakley 830-8808
    Spouse Abuse Outreach Ctr. 895-6099
    Christian Service Center 425-2523
    Georgia, Atlanta
    The Ogeechee Judicial Circuit Domestic Violence Shelter offers services to both men and women. Men do not stay at our shelter; however, they are able to provide shelter in a safe place for them at another location in the community. They have advocated for several male victims of domestic violence in the past three years of our existence (as of 1998). (912) 764-4605 crisis line

    The Partnership Against Domestic Violence
    1475 Peachtree St.
    Suite 400
    Atlanta, GA 30309
    ADDITIONAL PHONE NUMBERS: crisis line: 404/873-1766 (see locations for local office numbers)
    HOURS/DAYS: 9:00 am to 5:30 pm MON – FRI; 24 hour crisis line
    referral services for battered men, batterers’ program, program for women charged with assault
    24 hour crisis line
    temporary protective orders
    support groups, counseling – men, women, children
    parenting education
    parent/child activities
    child/spouse abuse prevention/education
    Mass., Boston
    There is a group trying to set up services for heterosexual abused men. See http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/batteredhus…
    The Battered Men’s Helpline reports that Battered Men’s support groups are starting up in Southern and Central Maine. Call their toll free number 1-877-643-1120 Access Code # 0757 for meeting times and locations. If you who are interested in helping and/or offering financial support, please call 207-683-2515. re is a group trying to set up services for heterosexual abused men. P.O. Box 252, Harmony, Maine 04942. E-mail help@noexcuse4abuse.org.

    Michigan S.A.F.E. Hotline
    The SAFE group in Michigan has set up a national hotline for battered men and lesbian women to call: (616)941-0825. Requests for help can be written to abuseaid@aol.com.

    Tennessee, Nashville
    2 weeks ago

    Tennessee, Nashville
    Cumberland Heights is an alcohol and drug treatment center with a court services component. The court services program offers many different classes for court-ordered clients, and one of them is domestic violence classes. The classes are for men and women who have been arrested for domestic violence charges AND who have substance abuse issues. Substance abuse issues ranges from addiction to using during the incident that got them arrested. Not all have serious problems with alcohol or drugs. They do not offer victims services; all of those are referred to local shelters. The program is a 6 month program and the clients meet one time weekly. If someone needs information on any of these services, the number is 1-800-707-8882.

    Cumberland Heights also seems to have a program for women perpetrators of violence. Contact the program coordinator, karen Bybee, at (615)353-4398.
    Texas, Ft. Worth
    The Women’s Haven, hotline number: (817)535-6464. They will
    2 weeks ago

    Texas, Arlington
    The Women’s Shelter (hotline number 817-460-5566) will help battered men. To make a counseling appointment, call (817)548-0583. I have heard of at least one man receiving services here.

    Texas, Ft. Worth
    The Women’s Haven, hotline number: (817)535-6464. They will help battered men.

    Texas, Dallas
    The Family Place, (212)941-1991, will offer help to battered men.

    Washington, Snohomish
    Apparently, the Center for Battered Women in Snohomish County has a twenty four hour crisis line for victims of domestic violence. Advocates are trained to talk to callers of all genders and sexual preferences providing safety planning, advocacy based counseling and community resource referral. The phone number is (425)252-2873. (7/6/98)

    Washington State
    2 weeks ago

    Washington State
    The Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached toll-free at 800-562-6025. Their URL is http://www.domestic-violence.org, and the email is csn@willapabay.org. Their website is almost completely in gender-neutral language, and their mandate is inclusive of all abuse victims (and possibly perpetrators as well). [MenWeb editor’s note: My own opinion is that the Hotline uses gender-neutral language to describe, exclusively, a woman’s experience. See The Gender-Neutral Joke. When I called, they named only one center that served men, in Seattle, and suggested that men call the National DV Hotline. Their page “What is Domestic Violence” focuses on the gender-polarizing”Duluth Model,” defining domestic violence in terms of men asserting male privilege over men.]

    If you live in Australia, see the list of Australian hotlines and information for men that are abused. Also see here for more Australian hotlines.
    2 weeks ago

    Canada, Calgary
    Apparently, the university there is providing a hotline for abused men, but I haven’t found out the phone number for it yet. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.
    Canada, Toronto
    The Easton Alliance for the Prevention of Family Violence is the first Canadian family violence prevention agency and charity for abused men. It is also perhaps the first organization of its kind in the world. You can contact them by phone: (416)691-8269, fax: (416)691-1113, mail: 97 Main Street, Toronto ON Canada M4E 2V6, and e-mail: easton@geocities.com. They offer a support group, referrals, and more.
    Canada, Victoria BC
    The Victoria Men’s Centre, has information and a discussion circle for men, and makes referrals to counselling and other services. There’s also another group starting, called the “Well Society”, which is setting up a retreat center for men, due to be open in a couple of months. Their phone recording line is at (250) 370-4636, and address is Box 8082, Victoria, B.
    AMEN, in Dublin, opened in December 1997 and heard from over 3,000 men and their families in the first year. They offer a confidential advice line for Men in violent relationships. Read Amen’s article “The Male Victim” on MenWeb.
    United Kingdom
    Men’s Advice Line & Enquiries (M.A.L.E.)
    0181 644-9914
    Monday & Wednesday 9AM to Midnight
    (answer machine all other times)
    Write to: Les Davidson
    PO Box 402, Sutton, Surrey, SM1 3TG
    “Information for and about Male Victims of Domestic Violence”
    The Resource Center in Aberdeen, SD recently changed its name, but hasn’t yet updated its web page. Don’t let the old name, Resource Center for Women discourage you! I’ve spoken with them and they provide counseling for men, may start a men’s support group soon, and provide ad hoc sheltering for battered men who’ve had to leave their homes. (Holzman
    Men Working Against Abuse
    CRISIS LINE: (206) 461-7824
    Business line: (206) 461-7824
    Battered men who call Seattle’s state- and county-funded New Beginnings program are referred to Men Working Against Abuse. MWAA is not on the DSHS list of state-funded programs, or even state-recognized, list of Washington state domestic violence resources.
    Men calling the program outside of office hours are told that the staff is either out of the office or on the phone. According to this phone message, their first service is voluntary “support groups for abusive men on how to become abuse-free and overcome the consequences of their past abuse for themselves and their loved ones.” Second, they offer “educational programs for individuals and couples on topics such as non-violent child discipline techniques and how to heal families and relationships that have suffered from abusive relationships. Third, they offer “services for men who are victims of abuse, to help them understand the situa
    There are also many more just check out the website for additional resources.

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